...Where you just feel like you are pretending to be whomever you are? That was me on Wednesday. I put on my little nurse outfit, threw my hospital ID and stethoscope around my neck, and I was playing dress-up at the hospital. I forgot how many kinds of tired there are and how many you can have at the same time until yesterday. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard, don't' get me wrong, but I never feel the crushing sense of defeat and failure at the end of the day that I do when I work at the hospital. Kids are pretty straightforward: first and foremost you just love them. Next comes food and warmth, then you can stimulate their little brains by playing with them or putting on a Dora video while you throw a load of laundry in the washing machine. Yep, I am bone tired by the end of a day with my kids, but I answer to no one. If I want to load up the v-v-v-van and go on little day trip, I can. If I want to sit in my PJs and serve ice cream for lunch, I can do that too. I forgot what a bureaucratic hell the hospital is (my Sunday shift was just a warm-up--there were no bosses or even doctors around on Sunday) Yesterday I was responsible for five patients and two student nurses while answering to my floor supervisor, charge nurse, the student's instructor and a bunch of doctors and surgeons (one or two for each patient). Truly dizzying after a year off and one shift to learn where things are. I don't wanna go back.
On a happier note, Emm and Char had a blast at the babysitter. The next morning Emmett grabbed my backpack and got ready to follow Richard out the door, just like the day before. He was really mad when he found out he had to stay home with me. I am glad things will work out with her.
We are going into the Big City to visit the Father-in-law and his family tomorrow. How bad would we look if we just dropped the kids off and checked into a hotel? Richard and I are wayyyy overdue for some alone time. Between the kids and our various other responsibilities, there has not been enough time to be a couple. I am tired of being too tired for him. I am tired of being in a rush and always keeping one ear open for a cry or the pitter patter of little feet that should be in bed. I want to run around naked and not care about how much noise we make. I have a two-hour drive to convince Richard we should do it. I don't think it will be too difficult. I know he feels the same way I do.
2 comments:
I just found your blog. I have to say that when I went back to work after staying at home with my son for 18 months - it was soul crushing. In the 2 years since then, my dh has been in med school and my son has THRIVED at daycare. I am truely happy with how things are turning out for him.
I say, let the in-laws watch the kiddos overnight and stay in the hotel. How can they argue if you stay through dinner and are there for breakfast. The little ones will survive someone else doing bedtime and you will get to reconnect with hubby. This way the grandparents will get equally special one on one time with the grandkids - something my parents treasure. Have fun on your night off.
take the night off!
I spend a lot of time thinking that I'm just play acting in my own life!
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