Summer is over??

The end of August went by in a flurry of activity.  Emmett and I went to summer camp.  It was his first summer at this camp, and once I did a little math the director and I realized that I had been going to this camp for the better part of 15 years.

There are no pictures of Emmett doing camp things since I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to stalk him with my camera as no other moms got to stalk their kids at camp.  He did really well and barring a few shy waves in the dining hall and our evening visits to get his bedtime meds, the only time I really talked to him was when I wandered down to the archery field to watch the Golden Arrow competition.  I scored major points with his cabin mates as I speak fluent Skyrim and Plants vs Zombies. (at first I didn't want to contribute to the video game talk with my game that involves killing mystical creatures with battle axes and other medieval weapons, but the boys were already talking about Call of Duty and Halo so I figured their parents were OK with a certain level of video game violence.)

I came home quite ill since most of the campers coughed on me at one point in the week or another, but thanks to Richard and my respite worker, I was able to relax and do very little but cough on the couch for a couple of days when I got home.

I had some special patients in my cabin this week: 

This is Ruby, the camp Director's dog. She was first in the water for polar bear swim every morning!

This is Ginger, another camp dog. She wanted to make sure I was OK after a fire work was set off after campfire one night. She stayed the whole night in my cabin, just to be safe.

We had a special visitor at camp!

I had plenty of human patients as well, but I don't feel right about posting pictures of other people's children on my blog without their permission, so suffice to say I saw my fair share of bloody toes and runny noses (and one puker) and leave it at that.

Have you ever had one of those days...

...Where you just feel like you are pretending to be whomever you are? That was me on Wednesday. I put on my little nurse outfit, threw my hospital ID and stethoscope around my neck, and I was playing dress-up at the hospital. I forgot how many kinds of tired there are and how many you can have at the same time until yesterday. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard, don't' get me wrong, but I never feel the crushing sense of defeat and failure at the end of the day that I do when I work at the hospital. Kids are pretty straightforward: first and foremost you just love them. Next comes food and warmth, then you can stimulate their little brains by playing with them or putting on a Dora video while you throw a load of laundry in the washing machine. Yep, I am bone tired by the end of a day with my kids, but I answer to no one. If I want to load up the v-v-v-van and go on little day trip, I can. If I want to sit in my PJs and serve ice cream for lunch, I can do that too. I forgot what a bureaucratic hell the hospital is (my Sunday shift was just a warm-up--there were no bosses or even doctors around on Sunday) Yesterday I was responsible for five patients and two student nurses while answering to my floor supervisor, charge nurse, the student's instructor and a bunch of doctors and surgeons (one or two for each patient). Truly dizzying after a year off and one shift to learn where things are. I don't wanna go back.

On a happier note, Emm and Char had a blast at the babysitter. The next morning Emmett grabbed my backpack and got ready to follow Richard out the door, just like the day before. He was really mad when he found out he had to stay home with me. I am glad things will work out with her.

We are going into the Big City to visit the Father-in-law and his family tomorrow. How bad would we look if we just dropped the kids off and checked into a hotel? Richard and I are wayyyy overdue for some alone time. Between the kids and our various other responsibilities, there has not been enough time to be a couple. I am tired of being too tired for him. I am tired of being in a rush and always keeping one ear open for a cry or the pitter patter of little feet that should be in bed. I want to run around naked and not care about how much noise we make. I have a two-hour drive to convince Richard we should do it. I don't think it will be too difficult. I know he feels the same way I do.

Going back to work.

Well, I survived my first shift back at work. It turns out I chose a good day to get back into the swing of things. There were no ortho surgeons on call the Sunday I went back, so the ward was pretty quiet. The charge nurse had me float the ward, helping out, so I had the whole shift to get to know where things are and not worry about patients as much. Thankfully the medication machine remembered my ID. I forgot my computer password and there is no IT support on Sundays, but it was really no big deal. I had such a great time that I agreed to work a shift tomorrow. The ortho surgeons were back on call yesterday so tomorrow I will be running my little legs off. When I got home from work on Sunday, Richard was exhausted from chasing the kids all day but he didn't complain a bit. He just passed out on the couch as soon as my scrubs hit the laundry chute. Speaking of scrubs...someone please tell me I do not need to go shopping for new uniforms for one shift a week. Do I? I do, don't I? Just one new set in a bright Springy colour. To cheer up the patients. That's it, right?

Emm and Char will be going to a babysitter for the first time tomorrow. Anyone going to place bets on how many calls I will make home? I am not too worried. The kids know this person and she knows Emmett and understands his method of communication, which is the biggest thing to me. I just have no idea what I should be sending to her house. I will either pack far too much or not enough. I am a little worried about her cat. We have never had Emmett formally tested for allergies, but his asthma symptoms magically disappeared when we sent my cat away do to my allergy. I will be sending his inhaler just in case.

I went into the doctor today since I can no longer ignore the persistent pain and pins and needles feelings I get in my wrists and hands almost daily. I now get to look forward to a trip to the neurologist for nerve conduction studies and other scary tests for things like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, DeQuervains, repetitive Strain Injury or just plain old Tendonitis. The tests scare the heck out of me. They involve things like needles and electrodes and whether or not I feel pain when current is turned on. It sounds like a form of medieval torture. I like being at the giving end of the needles--not the receiving. That is why I am a nurse!!

My doc was also nice enough to write another letter to the speech pathologist for Emmett. He is the father of young children so I find him very understanding when I ask him about mine. It is really hard to find a good doctor in my city. It took me several years to wiggle my way into his practice. (I know a few tricks.)

A few random thoughts.

I picked up a shift this weekend. I have not been to work in a year. In that year, my ward changed floors, underwent a major change in staff and restructured in layout and routine. I may as well be starting a new job. I am as nervous as I was on the first day of school. I don't even know where the supplies are (or the break room--the most important thing!) Thanks to this, my sleep has been crappy this week--I even had two kids who slept 12 hours (12 hours!) straight last night and I was up at 4:30, eyes wide open, listening to everyone sleeping but me.

We are saying goodbye to my beloved Cadillac. She passed her safety inspection today, so there will be a For Sale sign in the window soon. I am now driving this:

We call it The Dustbuster. Once I forget how luxurious and fun the Caddy was to drive, I am sure it will be great. I already like the fact that twenty bucks bought me half a tank of fuel (that would barely cover the bottom of the Caddy's tank). Surprisingly, it is shorter and narrower than the Caddy so it is a dream to park and fits well in our tiny garage. I have learn to be neater since there is not as much room in the back for cargo, so there is no throwing stuff back there to forget about. For the record, that is not my house and there is certainly no green grass outside my window right now--that pic is from the classified ad to sell it.

I feel a shift in my brain happening. I used to be so very insecure and worried about saying things to make waves. I never wanted anyone mad at me, so I was not good at speaking my mind and standing up for myself. Since the big 3-oh happened I have started to feel more confidant and sure of myself. I am caring less and less what people think and am much more concerned with cultivating quality, meaningful relationships than just making sure everyone likes me. I guess getting older isn't so bad after all.