I am not the most graceful duck in the pond. This is a well-established fact. As a child my shins were permanently bruised and are now kind of lumpy if you run your hand over them. I stepped on a rake once. It is not as funny as it is in cartoons. I didn't see little birdies flying around my head. I will trip on a busy pattern in linoleum. Last week I sliced my finger so badly I superglued the cut closed so it could have a chance at healing. How did I do it? By washing out a freezer I was preparing to sell. There was a teeny shard of glass stuck to the bottom that I didn't see until I ran my washrag over it.
Yesterday I proved my talent for self injury is growing. I managed to fall UP my basement stairs. My basement stairs are not attached to the wall. When I tripped, I managed to wedge myself between the staircase and wall. In hindsight that was probably preferable to falling towards the side of the stairwell open to the basement. Instead of head trauma I have a hideous scrape on top of an apple-sized bruise on my left upper torso. You don't realize how often your pectoral muscles are used in day to day life until you have an apple-sized bruise on one of them. I have aches and a few random scrapes and bruises all down the left side of my body. I am pretty much in constant pain right now. Sleeping was awful. I couldn't face the water in the shower this morning.
I am feeling pretty sorry for myself right now.
Make me feel better. I need to know I am not the only total dorkwad klutz out there. What was the clumsiest thing you have ever done? Spill! (But please don't slip.)