Wednesday, November 12, 2008


I am not the most graceful duck in the pond. This is a well-established fact. As a child my shins were permanently bruised and are now kind of lumpy if you run your hand over them. I stepped on a rake once. It is not as funny as it is in cartoons. I didn't see little birdies flying around my head. I will trip on a busy pattern in linoleum. Last week I sliced my finger so badly I superglued the cut closed so it could have a chance at healing. How did I do it? By washing out a freezer I was preparing to sell. There was a teeny shard of glass stuck to the bottom that I didn't see until I ran my washrag over it.

Yesterday I proved my talent for self injury is growing. I managed to fall UP my basement stairs. My basement stairs are not attached to the wall. When I tripped, I managed to wedge myself between the staircase and wall. In hindsight that was probably preferable to falling towards the side of the stairwell open to the basement. Instead of head trauma I have a hideous scrape on top of an apple-sized bruise on my left upper torso. You don't realize how often your pectoral muscles are used in day to day life until you have an apple-sized bruise on one of them. I have aches and a few random scrapes and bruises all down the left side of my body. I am pretty much in constant pain right now. Sleeping was awful. I couldn't face the water in the shower this morning.

I am feeling pretty sorry for myself right now.

Make me feel better. I need to know I am not the only total dorkwad klutz out there. What was the clumsiest thing you have ever done? Spill! (But please don't slip.)


Bobbi said...

Oh my! That's awful. My dear hubby empathizes greatly. You see this summer a friend of ours got a trampoline and my ever so wise 30-something hubby thought it would be fun to do a flip! Yeah not so fun when your 30-something and pull your pectoral muscle. He's winced for weeks!!

I've had my fair share of dorkwad injuries though most of them are kitchen related and a bit um...yucky to talk about given all the sharp implements in the kitchen. I'm one for tripping up stairs though too. I do it at least once a year. I worried more about it when I was holding babies than I do now that the boys are bigger.

Feel better!! Or at least less bruised :D

Ami said...

I am so sorry! I'm awfully glad you didn't fall off the side of the stairs, though.

I only wish I did not have 3 million stories from my life as a klutz.

Here's just one of 'em.

Tara said...

Hope you feel better soon! I too am a klutz. I've done the falling up the stairs thing a few times, and the falling down the stairs too (holding 2 turtles...the turtles were not harmed). I have run into a door (thought I broke my nose), and run into, fallen off of, bumped, bruised, cut, squished many body parts, many of times. I have also pushed one of my kids on the swings and threw my back out so bad, I couldn't stand up straight for a week. I looked like a real nerd walking bent over.
Hope this makes you fell a little better. You are not alone!

Imcombobulated said...

Another self-professed klutz here, and mother to an equally klutzy girl. Let's see... me... I infamously walked into a stop sign. I've slammed (and broken) my finger in a car door. Fallen up and down the stairs. I trip over nothing at all regularly. I drop everything. I'm not nursing any injuries at present, but will be soon. It's been a few weeks and I never go more than a few months without failing to notice a wall or curb or some such.

My mother, I should note, is even more klutzy than am I. I think it must be genetic. During my youth, my mom broke her tailbone three times. She is now a soccer player, and there are jokes on her team about the frequency of her injuries. And her injury-related surgeries.

Klutzes, though, are the kindest and most amusing people around. We know how to laugh at ourselves and we can always empathize with someone else's tumbles.

April said...

Ouch!! Hope you feel better soon.