Friday, December 1, 2006

Polygamy, Dr. Phil, Emmett's First Word

Have you ever had a dream that makes you feel exhausted when you wake up? I went through the wringer last night. This will sound psycho, but I need to get it out.

Here goes...
The dream started out pretty boring, Richard and the kids were there and we were going about our every day life. Things got wierd when two other women showed up with their kids. Richard's other wives. In this dream life he had convinced me it would be ok to become polygamists. So, now there are four adults and assorted children (I only ever saw Emm and Char clearly--the other children were shadows) going about their daily lives while I am feeling more and more sad, confused and jealous. I am crying--maybe for real, but in my dream I am in anguish. I confront Richard. I ask him to make a choice: Me and our children, or the other wives and their children. He chooses them. I am now a mess. I can feel my brow furrowing and my jaw and head aches but I cannot wake up. The dream goes on with me wondering what to do with my life now that I am alone with the children. I don't know where to begin. I am crying. Suddenly the channel changes and I am in a gymnasium with Dr. Phil and children all around. There is a foam pit like the ones in gymnastics classes. The kids are flying into it and Dr. Phil is berating me for something but I can't understand what he is saying. I am telling him I want to homeschool my kids. His words make no sense. Emmett is standing beside me watching the kids fly into the foam pit. Out of the blue he says "Jump! Jump!"

It took a long time for the clouds to clear from my brain when Emmett woke me up this morning. I was sad and tired and upset. I have been feeling a little disconnected all day. What do these dreams mean? It's been a year since we have had the TV cable cancelled.
I haven't seen an episode of Dr. Phil in many months.

Am I going crazy????


Anonymous said...

Jen, my heart jumped when I saw the title -- I was really hoping that Emmett had said his first word. I'm rooting for you guys, even though I don't comment often.

Anonymous said...

You're definitely not going crazy. I'm not a dream analyst, so I'm not even going to try.(although I did think about it) What keeps popping out to me was how ludicrous that scenario would actually be irl. You guys are perfect together, with amazing children...and I'm not just saying that.