Tuesday, February 24, 2009
It has been happening. Bit by bit. Little by little. My faith. It has been slipping away from me. I have had so many questions. I have very few answers. I have spent a lot of time reflecting, thinking, even praying. When I prayed I felt like an imposter. It didn't feel real, sincere. Today I don't feel it at all. It is gone. I feel something else too. Something else growing inside of me. Is it contentment? Serenity? I think I can be ok with not having faith. It feels better to me than trying to force myself into a box that I know I don't fit into. I still feel Spiritual. I still feel.....Something. I can't say what It is, but it is Something. Energy? Light? Love? It is all of those things and none of those things.
Today is Shrove Tuesday. In some countries this is the day to use up your fat and flour before you fast for Lent. It seems like a decent time to reflect on where I stand with God and The Universe, don't you think?