What is it about February?? Charlotte and I were doing really well. She was sleeping better and her moods were stabilizing nicely. We had a lovely couple of weeks of equilibrium. Then, February came. The excitement of an upcoming birthday and the Arts Festival and a bit of a cold threw her into a tizzy. Tantrums, sleep disturbances, mood swings. I am feeling the effects of late winter angst as well. I don't like how I feel in my own skin lately. Old habits are creeping back in and I am mad at myself for slipping with my workouts and diet. I am having a hard time running and it used to feel so good. I am sick of having the same arguments with Charlotte over the same things. I am tired of cooking the same food every day, washing the same clothes and cleaning up the same messes. I know I am not the only one to have this feeling at this time of year.
As I type this the kids are downstairs trashing the playroom and screaming and my blood pressure is rising and I am feeling tension in my chest. If I look to my left I will see a desk littered with paper and markers and books and toys. One of those markers was recently used on the computer monitor. I am so frustrated that there doesn't seem to be enough hiding places in the house for things the older kids need that the youngest can use for the purposes of evil. I want to run away and hide but the windchill is minus 30 so if I go for a run outside I will surely have an asthma attack
So, I hide. I play with photos. I scream at the kids. I wait for Winter to end and hope the floodwaters don't rise too high.