Monday, June 20, 2011

I am done, but the end is nowhere in sight.

I have been cleaning up poop in this house for 6 years straight.  No breaks.  I have been potty training for SIX YEARS STRAIGHT.

What the hell am I doing wrong?  Emmett has sensory integration issues and for a while major motility problems.  We have him mostly straightened out, but he still has accidents.  He knows how to clean himself up now and his teacher's aid has been valuable in maintaining his dignity and hygeine at school.

Matthew has only recently mastered peeing in the potty and will do so very willingly and happily.  We are in a battle of wills against poop, and I think we are both losing.  He loves to poop anywhere he can as long as it isn't the bathroom.  His favourite places are in the back yard, in front of the tv, and while playing computer games.  I have long since banned him from the computer room and have developed a sixth sense about his outside trips.  He is getting more sneaky as I remove more of his pooping places.  Today he was not allowed back on my couch after having an accident there.  Later on, I caught him stinking up Emmett's closet.

He knows the drill.  He poops in his pants.  I get mad.  I set him on the toilet.  I then strip him down and set him in the shower (It is the only way to get him clean--some days he goes commando so the poop is smeared from waist to foot).   I then banish him to his room while I clean the rest of the bathroom and scrub out the tub and deal with his clothes.

 If I put Matthew on a schedule, he balks.  If I let him be, I lose my cool.  I am afraid to sign him up for preschool.

I fear I have broken him.

He is now afraid of showers.  When he has the urge to poop, instead of going to the bathroom he runs away and cries.

I am broken.

I cry.  I won't use the main floor bathroom anymore since I spend so much time scrubbing shit off of the toilet. I don't want to use it.  I won't use the bathtub.  I do twice as much laundry since I can't have the boy's clothes mix with anyone else's in the house.  I walk around simmering with rage and paranoid my house smells like a dirty bathroom. I can't relax.   If you post on Facebook about your effortless potty training (or complain about what a long couple of weeks it has been)  I will seethe and then hide you from my feed.  .  Don't complain to me until you are counting your potty training time in YEARS, bitch.  If you try to offer me advice, I will probably cry.  In six years, you don't think I have heard it all?  Oh, and also, you have no idea how to train an older kid unless you have done it.  Your baby tricks are useless to me.  Don't take it personally.  I know I am being hysterical.  It's not you, it's me.

I can't take it anymore.

6 years of cleaning up shit and I have no idea when it is going to end.

14 comments:

Rina said...

:( *hugs* Sounds like hell.

EmmaNadine said...

No advice but just a bunch of hugs and support from me. *hugs*

LaughingLady said...

:(

I'm so sorry, Jen. I can only imagine the frustration and helpless feelings. I can't offer you anything but a {{cyber-hug}}. And a promise to pray for wisdom, patience, perseverance, and inspiration ~ maybe you'll stumble on something new that will work.

craftosaurus said...

Lucky for you, I have ZERO advice. All I've got for you is a ton of hugs.

craftosaurus said...

Lucky for you, I have ZERO advice. Just lots and lots of hugs.

Kristin said...

You are a good mother. A bad mother would have given up years earlier and left their kids to their own devices. It doesn't help right now but eventually he will use the bathroom. Remeber you have friends and family and to use them if you need to run away for awhile. Sometimes those few fleating moments of sanity are the only thing that will give you the strength to carry on. I'd give you a hug if I could and an extra pair of vinyl gloves.

Ami said...

I am so sorry that I have no advice to offer. And no comments that wouldn't sound trite or insincere.

How about hugs? ((()))

sv said...

Hugs, Jen. You're so inspiring, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Your babies are so lucky and blessed to have you. --sonia/BEL.

Lynn said...

I have no advice either, but hugs and hopes it will end for you soon.

My cat has taken to pooping outside the box for 3 months now I am going crazy just with that!

laundrygoddess said...

You can have as many hugs as you need. And there is no need to apologize when we are visiting and you have to take a time out to deal with this. Here's my advice though: Let's go out drinking!
Jen

laundrygoddess said...

You can have as many hugs as you need. And if you come over you can have as many martini's as you need and we'll drink ourselves into oblivion.

handmadehomeschool said...

((Love you))

Katiemae said...

Things will get better ...... I assume *hug*

April said...

A delayed hug from me too.